


A Banter with Phoenix and Reuben

by Rainboopz



Category: The Things We Do
Genre: fan character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-07
Updated: 2018-07-07
Packaged: 2019-05-31 16:13:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,188
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15123152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rainboopz/pseuds/Rainboopz
Summary: A fanfic for "The Things We Do". Captain Phoenix and her crew had just got done with a successful heist. However, her night just got more interesting when she discovers a little stowaway in her midst. Yet again. Ugh, alien kids.





	A Banter with Phoenix and Reuben

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Riplae](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Riplae/gifts), [Sycophantism](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sycophantism/gifts).



> _**The Things We Do**_ || [AO3 Story](https://archiveofourown.org/series/800742) | [Tumblr Blog](https://thethingswedorp.tumblr.com) | _*Please read on desktop so all images are displayed properly_
> 
> *exTREMELY FLUSTERED*
> 
> It's been years since I wrote a fanfic (it's gonna be a choppy ride oh boy), so I decided I'd do it for the wonderful original series "The Things We Do"! It includes my fan character, Captain Phoenix, and it was done as a test to see how she would interact with lil' Blackburn. Obviously I know fucking zip about his past self so all of this is just me _completely_ pulling bullshit out my ass. So sorry for messing anything up, I have no idea what I'm doing I kid you not
> 
> Also... this was written somewhat in Phoenix's POV so like, watch out. I read this in hindsight and I realized it sounded really mean to the bbyburns SO I'M SO SORRY FOR THAT PHOENIX IS A VICOUS GAL QAQ like god I might've even scrapped this but I've done all these drawings so hhh can't stop now I guess??
> 
> Nonetheless, I really enjoyed writing this either way. I hope it's at least somewhat entertaining! <3

A cacophony of laughter spilled from the soaring ship and faded out into the dead of space. The crew, sure now that they were far away from their pursuers, lit up lanterns around the ship and dragged out their prizes. The crew heaved and kicked over three treasure chests, spilling the contents onto the ground. Inside held priceless artifacts, shiny coins, and bundles of expensive belongings from some unfortunate rich folk. The crew roared in triumph at the sight and began rummaging and ogling at what they could grab. One alien was blinking through some sparkling binoculars while another investigated how many bracelets she can balance on her nose. Amidst the euphoria, a cutlass was tracing the tip of its edge along the surface of the wooden floor, making way towards the pile like a hungry snake. It plucked up an ornate necklace, and the owner of the sword brought the jewelry closer to her face for inspection. Fangs glinted in delight over the beauty.

Chuckling, the captain threw her cutlass up, tossing the piece into an eager bunch behind her. She set her boot on one of the edges of the chest and donned a wicked grin. Once her presence was known the crew quieted themselves down. Waiting a few moments, Phoenix finally took the opportunity to speak. "…Now this is a bounty that'll keep us rolling in rum for a while, don't you think?" There were a few snickers.

Pushing off, Phoenix circled the loot and continued, "And well deserved too! You see the look on their faces? Those 'aristrorats' and 'glorified hoarders'?  It looked like they had witnessed a God come down to streak naked across their front lawn, then smack their faces with its bare ass!" At that, the crew broke out in a sea of laughs. The captain put on a jeweled shawl and walked around clumsily, putting on a mocking tone as others pointed at her. "Oh no! My diamond encrusted back scratcher! However shall I live? Let me just dab my eye and stab myself with this ruby sewn on here for some reason. Those ruthless heathens will pay!"

Passing the rowdy mates, Phoenix turned to a crewmember and shouted, "Are you a heathen?" He nodded excitedly, and with a cry she threw the shawl right in his face. "Damn right you are, you ole' geezer!" She whipped around and raised her voice over the lofty crowd. "Alright everyone, pack it up! We're rolling out the drinks tonight. Keep it below deck where the stars can't see yer ugly mugs! Let's get shit-faced drunk."

And with that, a cheer rippled through the crew. All in high spirits, they scurried off below the ship in a thunderous herd. Only a handful stayed behind to organize the mess. Phoenix watched them go, rolling her eyes. After a minute she began to head towards her quarters.

"Captain." Spoke a raspy voice. From the shadows a dark alien with a similar, strapping get up as Phoenix, stepped forward. They caught up to the pirate's side. "You're not going down to celebrate?"

"No," said Phoenix, "not yet at least. Have to check out the map, log things- the boring shit my dear I can't let myself forget those." She smirked. "I reckon that you're going to stay up here to do boring quartermaster shit, right Igri?"

Igri gave a smirk back, confirming the statement. They fell back as Phoenix was at her door. "I'll divvy up the shares. Don't be long, Phượng Hoàng."

Phoenix gave a small salute back and disappeared into her room. As one would expect from an old captain with infamous and ill repute, her dwelling was a looker. An intricate rug was sprawled on the floor and fancy curtains covered the ship's windows. The shelves and tables were lined with some of her favorite treasures and souvenirs of her exploits, while overhead there were hanging trinkets and strange devices that gyrated on their own. Her desk was topped with a map, several complicated looking navigational tools, stacks of journals, and other small messes that gathered around it. Despite the plethora of possessions, the place was still orderly as it could be. Just how Phoenix liked it.

Taking off her jacket and headdress, the captain plopped onto her chair with a heavy sigh. She grabbed her head by the chin and pushed it, causing her neck to let out a satisfying _crack!_ That was a good one. Picking up a quill she began to jot down their last position in her notes, crossing out a number when the ink dripped. The occasional creaks of the ship sailing through space were calming in a way; even the muffled chanting of drunken sailors and jolly music below her added to the mood. There was peace in what was a normal occurrence for the captain. She rarely let herself drink in the feelings of victory after a successful heist. She would rather sip at intervals. Only fool hearty sailors get carried away with spoils. That leaves them vulnerable for sloppy duties afterwards. She was too proud (way too obnoxiously proud) to be a fool like that.

In fact, it was very hard to simply fool Phoenix at all. After hearing a creak that revealed itself to be out of place in her normal night, the captain got up from her seat. Humming, she waltzed over to her closet, rocking herself on her heels for a moment. Suddenly, Phoenix yanked the doors back, grinning like a madwoman at the stowaway hidden in the corner.

"Hey, kid." She said, nonchalantly. "Color me surprised! Thought you wanted to be a sailor, not a nice pair of boots in the old ladies department." Phoenix snarled, " _Get out_."

She yanked the young alien by the back collar and threw him out the hole. He yelped as he stumbled into the open, managing to not fall flat on his face. Putting her arms to her hips, Phoenix just looked at him, expecting an explanation.

"Ow, you pinched me!" said the kid, rubbing his neck.

The woman put her hands to her cheeks in fake dismay. "Aw, oh no! Did you want Aunty Phoenix to kiss it all better? Do you want me to take out some cookies and a blanket so you won't cry? But alas, I only do that for good aliens. And what do good aliens _not_ do?"

Put off by her tone, the kid sneered and mumbled quietly, "…Not sneak onto your ship."

"Exactly." Phoenix pinched between her eyes and groaned. "Come on Reuben, we do this all the time. Wait." She shot a glare at him. "Were you here the whole time we were at the Bilboor Estate?"

Hearing the mention of it, Reuben perked up. "Uh, _duh?_ You were gonna raid a giant party filled with the richest snobs in the Rumyuk system! How could I not?" He jumped in excitement. "It was fantastic!"

Phoenix grabbed him by the collar again, yanking Reuben off the floor. She snapped, " _How could you not?_ Kid, we were hiding our ship! Cloaked the whole damn thing. If you came out then, you would've blown our cover— shit! I literally had a four-way sword fight in here too! What the hell were you thinking?"

Definitely not appreciating being lifted off, Reuben squirmed in her grasp. "I was- ack- thinking I could just watch for a bit! But— but then you were in trouble! I knocked one of those suckers out with one of your trinkets when you weren't looking, during the fight."

She had been wondering if the guards were so inept that they just passed out on sight. She growled, "I could've handled it on my own."

"Sure! But I still did something." He bit his lip and shrugged. "I just wanna _finally_ help out. Maybe even… be a part of your raids?"

The captain was surprised, and then laughed in disbelief. "Whoa! Help? _Me?_ You're kidding, right? Scrawny, reptilian-looking, weirdo like you thinking he can survive steel and bullets? You're lucky they didn't even know you existed. They would've chopped your horns right off! You're in out of yer head." She dropped him without hesitation.

"Hey!" On his feet again, Reuben waved his arms about. "I could've been a big help! I can clobber those guys! I had a fight just yesterday. I won— beat the guy to a pulp. Not a scratch on me!" Reuben puffed out his chest, to make a point.

Phoenix plucked a small glass up and poured herself some alcohol she found lying around. She did not want to deal with children right now. Those incomplete adults were so irritating. She replied in a tired tone, "Oh really?"

"Yeah really," said Reuben.

Giving him a side-glance, Phoenix smirked. "I bet that Ana could've handled two lugs."

The chest deflated immediately. Reuben said, possibly lying, "N-no she can't. She doesn't even get into fights that much, she's a wimp!" He walked over to her, trying to get Phoenix's attention on him again. "Look, I don't really get to do much in the heists where I'm at. My fricking mom won't let me yet." He gritted his teeth. "But you're _not_ her, so maybe— "

"—I can risk your life and have your mother trying to cut out my insides for accidently dropping her baby into a dog fight?" Sarcasm thick, she continued to smile. "As much as I'd love to have that woman get in a bloody feud with me, I'd rather it not be over you. I don't care about yer silly little ambitions. Seriously, did you not count how many times I ejected you off my damn ship? You can't be that dumb, they teach you basic math right?"

Reuben rolled his eyes. "Oh come on I— Phoenix, I know we've gotten off on the wrong foot sometimes; me easily hiding from you despite your space ship being small while you finding me but can never get rid of me. But let me appeal to your better nature. I do like the fact that you're getting better at hide-and-seek, someone must've cared enough to teach you basic finding skills, right?" The kid gave a cocky grin. Couldn't help it.

If this was the first time that would've earned him a slap, but this wasn't, so Phoenix snorted. "Says the runt who hid in the same place three weeks ago."

"Five. Three weeks was when I got past your quartermaster and climbed into one of the fruit barrels."

"I swear I read that somewhere…"

"What?"

"Nothing!" said the captain. "It's still a no!"

Reuben let out an exasperated groan, "But—!"

"Little shit!" She pressed her pointer finger on his forehead hard, pushing him away. "If I see you on the _Bloody Jewel_ again, by thunder, I'll shove one of those spyglasses over there in yer eyeball and call you the new runt-powered-look-out doohickey! All it takes is a knock on the head and he'll squawk out where the enemy is while crying to his mommy-wommy why he was so darn stupid! _'If only she was here to wipe up my bum from all the stupid shit I do!'_ Pure and udder idiocy radiating from yer bloody sockets Reuben, ugh."

The kid balled his fists up, anger rising in him at being mocked like that. He clenched his teeth so he didn't snap back. Seeing this, Phoenix chuckled. "You toddlers are so cute when you pout. So ugly."

"I'm like, almost 13!" Reuben retorted. "And why won't you give me a chance? I just want to do things like you do! Stab some sorry losers and steal their shit, Captain Phoenix style."

Kid thinks she has a style. What, had he been _studying_ her? Creepy. "Oh?" said Phoenix. Either way, it was so entertaining to see him worked up. She leaned on her desk, swirling the contents of her drink around. "What, pray tell, does Captain Phượng Hoàng do that appeals to you then?"

The kid blinked. He looked around and found the captain's sheathed cutlass beside her table. Taking it, Reuben swung and jabbed at the air, motioning a fight. "Stab at the legs and make them dance off the bowsprit like you did during the standoff with those space privateers! I would laugh at their corpses floating in the void!" He let out a pretend laugh. With incredible dexterity, Reuben then swung the sword around one hand, behind his back, and to the other hand. He pointed it to the ground, yanking the sword from its cover. "Force the encrusted Thousand-Year Cursed Sword from its guarded temple, literally beating the guy the prophecy foretold up with your fists— beforehand!" Then, with an impeccable swift turn he chucked the cutlass. It made a direct beeline for a wooden mannequin head wearing an ornate helmet, stabbing it square in the forehead. "… And pin the notorious Captain Smite Jr. onto the mast of his own burning ship."

Despite the annoying appearances Phoenix had to deal with, the kid was… getting pretty good. Not just with the evasiveness— but also with the way he carried himself. Must've learned more weaponry skills, although Phoenix was pretty sure he didn't own a sword of his own yet. Sneaky. The captain didn't show any positive reaction to him though, looking deadpan at the whole show. However, she raised a brow at the unfortunate mannequin head. "That's going to be you, if you ruin another thing I own."

Realizing what he had done, Reuben smiled nervously. He composed himself quickly enough and said, "Give me a chance Phoenix. I'll make it worth your while, 'cause I won't lose. I _know_ I can do it, I just know it."

And the captain sneered. One of the things she hated most in the world was a _wannabe_. Lucky for her, it also happened that one of the things she enjoys most in the world was breaking those wannabes apart. Little kids were no exception; her cruel thoughts were already accumulating.

Phoenix slammed her cup down on the table and strode towards Reuben, head held high with disdain. "How precious— now let me get this through your head. You just _know?_  Do you think that I should toss random people onto my team because they think they can act in a theater after a few games of charades? Knowing is different than actually doing, Reuben. If yer mother hasn't given you a chance to be in the workings of a raid or something, than maybe there's a good reason. In fact, I can name one reason! Right now!"

She circled him, narrowing her eyes at the kid. "I know about your little crazy outbursts squirt, they're not helpful to your cause." She tugged his horn, in which he returned with a swat and a growl. Phoenix snickered. "Oh don't be like that! I'm just saying. All you do is bark and bite and 'believe' but that's not good enough for me. You won't last a second in a raid, I bet you a thousand crystals on that. Fuck, I'll even give my share to the guy that done you in! Bet it's a stab through the chest- no- a bullet right through your thick skull! So squirt, until you _really_ know your way around things like this— until you prove to not be just another _ungrateful_ stowaway _bitch_ that no one wants, who puts hazards onto _my_ meticulously devised schemes…" Phoenix grabbed Reuben's shoulder in a vice grip, getting down to his eye level and speaking low. "…You'll **never** get to stand by me, let alone ever be a pirate lord."

Reuben dug his claws into her own and let out a vicious snarl. He swiped her hand away. Still seething, he yanked the cutlass out of its place, sending bits of wood flying out, and pointed it Phoenix. He snapped, "You shut u—"

Reuben yelped as he was sent airborne. Phoenix had grabbed the blade and gracefully swung him above and behind her, yanking the sword so it would slip from his grasps. The kid luckily landed with a _thud!_ on a soft chair in the corner, but unfortunately upside-down and on top of some clutter already placed there. He winced and groaned in pain. Phoenix gave her cutlass a twirl while she turned her other hand. She hummed, seemingly pleased her glove worked like a charm.

Pulling a broken mask behind him and throwing it away, Reuben rolled to the side so he wasn't upside-down anymore and growled in frustration. He looked like he was on the verge of ripping the woman apart or making a wreck of the surrounding area. He sputtered out, "Asshole."

Rubbing more salt into the wound, Phoenix let out a cackle. It ebbed away and she shook her head at Reuben. "See, what did I tell you? Don't pick fights with people out of your league **boy**. What're you gonna do when a thug pulls out a plasma gun, or it's a darn military general you're choking?" Phoenix gestured a _poof!_ motion with her hand. "Bye bye Reuby—"

"OKAY!" Reuben shouted to silence her. He was about to continue— possibly jump back up even— but he held his jaw shut. He was too pissed and sore. Swearing under his breath, Reuben kicked over a pile of junk beside the chair. He yanked the seat so it was partly turned away from the captain, and he hid there. "…Don't even know why I come back. You're always like this."

"A stupid decision on your part, really," said Phoenix. Walking back behind her desk, she took a peek out of her curtains. They were nearing an artificial porting area she recognized. His mother's ship would probably be here, since Phoenix's own crew started here before the heist. Kid must've seized the opportunity. "I'm hauling you back to your mother, maybe she'll finally discipline her brat more. Tired of you running around like you own the place." With that, Phoenix stabbed the floor with her cutlass, letting it wobble.

Across the room Reuben mumbled something. He crossed his arms tighter. The kid didn't say anything else, so Phoenix took that as a sign he finally shut up for once. She lounged back on her chair again, enjoying the peace. As time passed by, nothing happened. The creaks of the ship lessened and the party down below was probably nearing a close. Bored, Phoenix rummaged around and found the bottle of alcohol again. Giving it a shake, she was about to bring it to her lips when she glanced back at Reuben. He seemed… smaller in a way, even with his nails silently digging into his arms. And then the arm of the chair. That was hand carved actually…

Phoenix put the drink down. The captain looked at her own claws, specifically at the one Reuben gripped. She took her glove off to reveal bloody cuts and puncture wounds carved deep into her flesh. Twitching her fingers registered the pain, but it didn't faze her. Impressive strength, this one; she witnessed tantrums but she only _heard_ about how he would tackle others out of anger. His mother mentioned he was a handful because of that. Honestly it would've been pretty interesting to witness Reuben maul someone— a kid covered in blood and guts would be hilarious to see (according to Phoenix's humor at least). Must've taken quite a lot for the kid to stop himself from trying to wreck Phoenix before… he did like her, huh?

Deep inside the captain's venomous pit of a soul, where the only things that survived were gold, guts, and glory— something stirred. Phoenix frowned, furrowing her brows. Is she…? Oh drats. She's fucking starting to feel sorry for this stowaway. Not because she happened to have thrown a child across a room, but seeing him upset and hiding himself away was pitiful. Ugh. Kid's got power she can't deny, and here she was slamming him into the dirt in spite of that. Well, Phoenix hated kids either way. She often advised fellow pirates to stay away from them, lest the buccaneers have their hearts whisked away by scruffy little insects that want nothing more than to eat you out of ship and sail. But this Reuben— fuck she knew she should've flown to a different galaxy. Phoenix had gotten to know the tantrum tot far too much than she would've liked. He's a kid with some surefire spirit when he talked; stuff she hadn't seen resonating from another for a long time now. His vexing determination and pathetic spats was growing on her, and Phoenix- dare she say it- _admired_ that.

The woman let out a long sigh, rubbing her temples. God she loathed backpedaling. Phoenix pulled herself together and made her way to the kid. The ship began to lurch a bit, the items in the room swayed and shifted to the movement of the dips.

A crown that was teetering too close to the edge slid off the top shelf. It bounced off a crystal idol before conveniently dropping onto Reuben's head. He jumped in shock, but seeing that he wasn't being attacked he took the crown off and rubbed his head. The crown was shaped like one, tall with waving spokes and encrusted gems, but the texture felt off. It was smooth but also slightly soft, and the color wasn't of any shiny metal he knew.

"You queasy?"

Reuben scowled. He turned his body away from Phoenix.

She chuckled, and then pointed out, "See you got the Wystero Crown. You know that was my favorite heist when I was younger. An absolute ride that was!"

Reuben rolled his eyes in disgust at her voice. Still ignoring her, he studied the crown again. The bottom ridge of the crown split apart, revealing a red spongy looking material inside. Soon, curiosity got the better of the kid, so he spoke coolly, "Yeah? What happened?"

Phoenix got closer and took the crown from Reuben, inspecting it herself. "Eh well, a lot. Let's just say the owner was a sloppy whale of a queen who ruled an empire filled with obedient weasels and tortured souls of the innocent; the usual now a days. Because I wanted to cut a bitch down to size- and for shits and giggles- we raided her treasury. But _ooh_ , guess what I found out during all of that?"

Despite still being angry, he couldn't help himself. Reuben slowly looked over his shoulder. He squinted his eyes at her. Phoenix giggled to herself and continued, "The queen's greatest, and possibly the most valuable prize of all, was her bejeweled crown! It was always with her, never leaving her perfect peanut of a noggin. Why? Because uh— it was grown into her _skull_. It was a part of her. That baby also happened to have some freaky mind-control shit that she used to do all this conquering with."

Phoenix began acting out the next scene. "So! Me and my crew killed her men, scaled the extravagant ivory palace, snuck to her room, dragged the woman by her hair onto her giant vanity, took out my sword…" The captain's face dropped. Her expression was cold as she tipped the crown away from her head, like a tearing motion. She drew out the last words slowly. "… _and sawed the thing right off her head._ I watched the life drain from her bleeding corpse as it shriveled up like a raison. Her wails and shrieks still echoed in the breeze through her window, like a witch casting a curse on her last dying breath."

Reuben's full attention was on Phoenix now. He shook his own head, as if to object to the action, but then said, "Was it the same sword I—"

" _Yeeeeep._ "

Reuben grinned. "Awesome."

Reverting back to her chipper attitude, Phoenix shrugged. "Queen died, empire fell apart, we skedaddled away as gentle-aliens of fortune, and now there's a whole kingdom of filthy pigs still out to get us. Fun!"

"No kidding." Reuben looked down at his legs, kicking them absentmindedly. After a moment, he finally whispered, "…You're right, I'll never get to your level. I’m just a," He glanced at his claws, "…a one-of-a-kind freaky thing."

"Damn right you are! A wee freaky boy." Phoenix tossed the precious crown over her shoulder. She winced after saying that, forgetting she was supposed to ease up on Reuben. Figuring he didn't need her looming over him, the captain got down on one knee to be more eye level with the kid, nudging his shoulder. "But that makes it easier for me to spot you out from a crowd. Got to give me that at least, you're slipping past me old eyes way too fast."

Reuben pursed his lips. "Don't make me feel better."

"I don't wanna," Phoenix griped. She suddenly beamed. "You're so adorable when you're defeated!"

"Don't make me feel pissed off!"

"There it is! I could just pinch yer cheeks you're so hideous. So hideously green you are. Like spinach soup."

"13!" Reuben reminded, teeth bared and wringing the air. "Literally gonna be a teenager!"

"Ah being a teen. I remember, when I was your age, the first time I stabbed a man's heart out with a dagger and watched the terror seep away from his four bulging eyes. You should hit that milestone. It builds good character."

The kid rubbed his chin in thought. "Hmm, yeah! If only I had the perfect opportunity."

Phoenix shrugged, giving an apologetic but fake smile. "If only! Sucks to be you."

Reuben stuck his tongue out. He kicked Phoenix's shin, but not too hard to incite a fight. He smiled coyly as the captain let out a wheeze and a cackle. She said between her laughs, "Watch yourself, Reuben. I still need those space legs."

"I think a hag like you can manage perfectly with none." He replied, more relaxed now.

"Is that a threat?"

"No." Reuben glanced downward.

"Don't lie, always stand by your threats. Besides, it's _the_ hag to you. I'm that bitch, remember that."

"Sure, you're that bitch."

After a few seconds, the woman grew quiet in thought. Reuben tilted his head, watching her. Phoenix was frowning, debating if she should give in, but she eventually shook her head and did. “Shit… I’m really too tough on you, I have to admit."

The kid scoffed, "No shit." He bit his lip though, looking away in guilt. "Though, I'm pretty annoying too I guess."

"You have no idea. But we'll get to that later." She leaned in. "You know why I’m hard on you right? You’ve got an acceptable conscious so you must know.”

“Um…" Reuben shrugged.

Phoenix lifted a finger up, speaking sternly at him now; gaze unwavering. “One wrong move, and you will die. Do you understand? If not you, your crew takes a hit. But more often than not, it’s you. You’ve been shoved into a world of criminals kid, whether that's a good fate or not I'll leave that up to you. Life doesn’t give two shits about us ‘cause we’re the scum of the cosmos just trying to live free. We’re living free through shifty means, but you get that. Also fucking get that one slip up and you’re dead, and no one will bat an eye. You've seen men, women, and the likes fall haven't ya? Like flies they are, and even their mates don't care. This isn’t like some quaint little place where if you screw up a flower delivery or something the boss just fires you and you got family to cry to. You just die. _You will die,_ Reuben _,_ no matter what you think otherwise. Watch yourself.” She cocked her head, eyeing him. “I don’t think I’d want death to wrangle you just yet. That's my job.”

Reuben was listening intently before, with a knowing look as he thought about his experiences. When she finished however, he chuckled. “Aw, you care. Embarrassing.”

A sly smile crept across her face and she winked at him. She had a feeling Reuben will probably not listen to her scolding, but at least he's been warned.

"So… still won't let me help out in _any_ way?" Reuben questioned.

Phoenix scoffed. "Keep dreaming."

"You could've broken my back, you gotta owe me something!"

"You had it coming! Just be thankful I didn't high-heel you in the stomach."

The kid frowned at that. "Whatever. You're really not gonna accept me?"

"Nope! Plus your mom will get jealous."

"What if I… did something cool?" Reuben pondered for a bit, and then he lit up. "What if I beat you in a fight?" It was more of a revelation than a question.

"Kid! The day you beat me to a pulp is the day I'm still pillaging, but now using a wheel chair with like five swords attached to it and I got rifles for arms." Reuben widened his eyes at the notion, and it made Phoenix laugh. "Even if you won you wouldn't need to be helping out anyone. You'd probably be a pirate already if you brought me, the _great_ and _terrible_ Captain Phoenix, down."

Reuben raised a brow. "Great and terrible? You're cool, _buuuut_ I did literally watch you trip on your jacket down the stairs an hour ago. You almost stabbed yourself with your own cutlass."

"Tell that to anyone and I'll keel-haul you, right here right now."

The kid snickered. The smile lingered and he continued, "…You think I got potential, huh?"

The captain looked taken aback. "What, what was that? What did I say?" She waved him off. "You must be mixing that with someone else. Oh no! The dementia— it's finally kicking in! Who are you and what are you doing on my boat? I don't want your lizard Boy Scout cookies, I'm allergic to sass!" Reuben kicked Phoenix in the shin again.

The ship stopped rocking and there were shouts outside of the room. Phoenix stood back up, stretching a bit, before lifting a surprised Reuben by his collar again. The captain carried the kid easily enough like he was a sack of apples under her arm. “Come on boy, we’ve landed. Your mother still here?”

Bothered at being carried like this, Reuben reluctantly replied, “Yeah. Our ship took some damage so we’ll be staying here for a few days. Shit— wait! You’re not gonna tell on me are you?” He winced at what might unfold if she did, drawing his legs in.

“Reuben if I don’t that woman might just kick my ass! And then I'd kick hers. And then there would be a lot of ass kicking. You don’t want ole’ Phoenix to get plucked do you?” Phoenix batted her eyes at him innocently, but then let out a bellowing laugh as he squirmed even more in response.

Ignoring the kid’s pleading and growing threats, Phoenix kicked the doors open with a _wham!_ and waltzed onto her deck. She took a deep breath through her nose, welcoming the orchestra of the shipyard maintenance rippling through the stale air, and made her way off the ship.


End file.
